The Role of Free Will and Choice

There is a difference between giving up and knowing you have had enough.

 

If you are not one of those beautiful people in the world, then to some people you mean nothing. You seek people who express themselves by wearing darker clothes, too much makeup or piercings we do not understand. We judge them. Sometimes you may get a bit envious because there are others that are wearing trendy, in-style clothes and seem as if they have it all together.

 

We were all created differently. You have to like yourself first before anyone else can love you. Relating to, “Beauty is only skin deep” means that people look at the outside and are not aware of what is going on in the inside. You see someone who is outwardly beautiful and desirable, but when you get to know them, you find they are shallow, mean and cruel.

 

Everything is based on assumption, and people want to show you the good things about themselves that they are willing to go so far to hide the bad or the ugly they do not want to publicize. The choices we make, the people we are when no one is watching determines our beauty.

 

How do we deal with the total allurement of the flesh and how it gets confused with subconscious matters?  Especially in regards to the most elusive part of the body, the soul. Here is what is disconcerting, we all seem to be attracted to material things and beautiful people; but when those things are gone, what then? You possess a delicate flower at the height of its bloom, one day it is going to lose its petals, you run after ephemera, things that are enjoyed for a short time, at your own peril. Usually, a person who is enamored with him or herself will become mean and spiteful if things do not go their way. That is their character showing through in their words and actions.

 

I am an old soul. I have genuine kindness, and I want to attract the same. If you are not deep, do not swim in my pool. If you have a pretty face and do not have a pretty mind, pretty heart and a pretty soul, do not waste your time.

 

Not one drop of your self-worth should depend on someone else accepting you. Beauty should be from the inside out.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

 

An Open Letter

If I were writing a letter and I am supposed to be loving me first, should not the letter be addressed as “It is me?” I would address the letter as, “Joy, wake up. How have you been?”

 

I have been on quite a journey these past two weeks. I hugged my knees, cried for hours until the tears dried, and then I started to cry again. I sat there on the floor in a daze at the stormy situation around me. The fear was palpable, and the pain was real. It was heart-wrenching pain.

 

Life is never a straight line. Calamities and hardships are your greatest blessings. You know, the lessons in disguise. What the difficulties, the unexpected do is force us into a new and better version of ourselves. You are made to survive the hardest days of your life. I choose to live life on purpose. Here is to today and the week that awaits me and no matter what the week serves up, may I be grateful through it all.

 

Some years back, I had a grand epiphany. What I have learned is you have to stop giving so much of yourself to people who cannot even identify who they are. If these people do not sacrifice for you, then they should gain nothing from you. Things of value require sacrifice. It is a work in progress.

 

If people are too hurt, too busy or just too damn stupid to see you are the blessing they have been asking for, then, fall back. I know my worth. I deserve happiness, I deserve respect, and I deserve love. I have everything I need.

 

Deep down I am still haunted by past experiences. I know there is still unfinished business. I hope there is a resolution one day. I am grateful for the life I have now. It is my life, and I would not change a thing. If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans for the day.

 

Everyone has a story, and no two stories are the same. Remember, there are over seven billion people in this world, and none of them are like you. Your entire life journey is a series of footprints that have brought you to this very moment in time. Life is a tapestry of people weaving in and out of your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Every one of them has something to offer and share with you.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

Food for Thought

I hate every cliché about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a vast untraversable land for those of us that crave justice. The very thought of letting someone walk away scot free makes me sick.

 

I can see all of your faces the moment I say I am writing about how to forgive someone who never gave an apology. When people treat you like they do not care, believe them. Today I decided to forgive you not because you apologized or because you acknowledged the pain you caused me but because I deserve peace.

 

Many offenses are personal. Let us be clear; do not confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. Reconciliation is a beautiful, magical, redeeming experience if it happens. Forgiveness is for you and your heart without the other person’s participation. It is not an eraser that will wipe away the pain that has happened to you.

 

The wrong way to apologize for me is when somebody will justify, minimize, excuse their behaviors or not say anything. The right way to apologize is to acknowledge, accept and express. I am not talking about a quick fix to years of pain. We need to all start looking simply to arrive at our best possible selves.

 

Forgiveness is reclaiming your power. The misery you will feel is heart-breaking. Your soul hurts, your body feels tortured, you do not sleep, and your mind is shattered. You lose your power when you feel abandoned. You cannot control what other people do. We can only control how we react to them even if they never know. Either we choose to empower or disempower ourselves with our reactions.

 

Forgiving a person does not mean you have to trust them or forget what they did. You do not have to stay there in the replay of the pain. You can move on.

 

Forgiveness is the final step in a healing process. When we let go of our painful past, we make way for a bright and hopeful present and future. Forgiveness is the ultimate expression of love; the best gift we give ourselves.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

The Role of Free Will and Choice

 

You are at a point on your journey, and the way you think things should be gets derailed. This sudden transformation is difficult to process. You feel shocked, scared and concerned or uncertain. When someone you love falls ill, gets into an accident or receives a scary health diagnosis, it is never easy. It may be the hardest thing you ever have to face. Unfortunately, it is also inevitable that we all will have to deal with this situation in life.

 

In the early hours of March 1, my husband yelled out my name as if his life was dependent on me helping him. It was. Between what was happening, trying to remain calm for him with 911 on the line, and the minutes ticking by as if they were hours waiting for help to arrive, life as we knew it would never be the same.

 

When you are younger, you visualize a picture of what your life would be like in five years. You fantasize about your future. You imagine peace, health and happiness. Fast forward twenty-five years, your life is nothing like you imagined. The onset of my husband’s recent health scare was a not so gentle reminder of what I was not doing right, not taking care of myself.

 

How do I prioritize when I am pouring from an empty cup? Taking care of yourself does not feel like the priority. Your best does not feel good enough because you have spent time focusing on everyone else’s needs. I have been working on trying to prioritize myself. I often fail miserably. What happens when you are desperately trying to fill your cup, but circumstances keep pouring your cup out and leaving it empty? You become tired and frustrated.

 

If you are running on empty, break the habit before it breaks you. People will ask you what or who you love, and yourself is not on the list. You have trouble saying no to people even when you know you are stretched too thin. Put your needs first. If you cannot put your whole heart into something, there is no shame in stepping away. By weeding out what is unimportant, we will become more balanced individuals.

 

My husband being seriously ill for the second time in our marriage has made me take a closer look at priorities. There have been other times that were heady but nothing like this. I am going to get good at saying no. Inner peace begins when you choose not to allow another person or event to control you.

 

One valuable lesson we often forget in love and life is you are made to survive the hardest days. When I have heard, you cannot pour from an empty cup I always took it in the context of a metaphor as we are to take care of ourselves. Prioritizing self-care and perceiving it as a necessity rather than an indulgence is important because self-care is about preservation, not selfishness.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

 

An Open Letter

Life is a toilet, but technically we are the ones who fill it, and thus, we are full of it as well. The toilet is not a place of residence. You get to leave the toilet when you are finished, unlike real life when you do not know when it will be over.

Breaking the habit of yourself requires a heavy dose of appreciation. You show up every day at a job you hate. Your marriage makes you feel miserable. You hate where you live. How the heck did I get here? How the heck do I get out?

Everything shows up for us based on what we believe to be true, what we believe we deserve. There is nothing more preventative from moving ahead than living in the past and continuing negative stories we tell ourselves. Misfortune can be an incredible opportunity to notice we are stuck in the state of mind that will never lead to fulfilled desires. Adversity could be a wake-up call telling us we are out of harmony with the life we want. 

I doubt that any of us have become masters of our Universe. Adversity and misfortune will probably end up in the mix of our daily life. We need to learn how to gain the maximum benefit from it. Maybe we feel like a shadow version of the person we know we are. If any of this sounds familiar to you, now is an excellent time to contemplate on what it is you want. Reassess your goals and remind yourself you are in the driver seat of your life.

Stop trying to figure it out all on your own. The truth is sometimes we do not see what we are doing wrong, and we need someone else to point it out. It is usually embarrassingly obvious when we look at it, but we would have never noticed it if not for an expert or a friend offering us another perspective. You are not alone in your struggles. The same handful of issues repeat themselves in so many lives. 

Put your insights into practice. You have to get clear on your purpose and vision. Thankfully, I woke up to who I really am. Beyond my body, thoughts, emotions, titles and roles, I discovered I was a soul in a body, not a body with a soul. 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #joymmills #instagood #toilets #driverseat #soulinabody

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

Food for Thought

Once again, we have to mourn for the victims of another senseless shooting. When will this stop?

I am not chicken little or here comes the apocalypse kind of person. I can only imagine anyone that has had their life touched by these mass shootings, directly or indirectly, may feel the apocalypse happened. However, I do know we cannot sit idly by.

I used to think naively at some point the world would reverse, some politician would stand up and say, “This is not working folks.” I fear my generation will be the last to fight this war. The next and more than the next generation will know no other way. But I do not care if the way I think makes me a dinosaur. I do not know why I care so much. It is not my problem which seems to be all of our attitudes. I am being facetious. We are complacent, and complacency is dangerous. 

Over the years I have finally succumbed to the irresistible seduction of education. People with different opinions and the ministry of common sense. Whether you believe in God or not, these horrible bloodbaths our country has been taking from one end to the other has to stop. You may think you want to live forever, but you do not. 

Let us play this out logically. If you live forever, there are only three possibilities:  conscious external existence, unconscious external existence or reincarnation where we remember one lifetime.

Imagine the longest day you ever had. Maybe some of us have been awake for a couple of days. Perhaps even more than that. Most of us start feeling weird when we have stayed up all night. When I have not slept in 24 hours, I think I am in a time warp. In particular, when other people have started their new day and I was still working on finishing up yesterday. It just is not right. What is happening in our country is not right. Wake up!

I have bad news. The world is going to end. I also have good news but probably not any time soon. Why has America gone crazy? It is a question many of you doubtless have asked over the past few years. It is one I have struggled to come up with the right answer other than we have fundamentally come unglued.

We have barely laid to rest those that were going to church one early Saturday morning and shot to death in their pews, and in these last handful of days there are more people, merely children, that are going to have to be laid to rest because we are complacent. 

I know this is a different world from the one in which I grew up. It is not necessarily better in my perspective but here is what I know now where I was spoiled:  had and read real books, a phone or watch that did not need charging, water that came from a spring, home cooked meals (as bad as they were), and we knew how to have real conversations and talk, not text. We could collectively come together and actually do something about the world we live in and become one voice screaming stop instead of spewing hatred. Let us stop trying to be right and come up with logical solutions. If it is not your problem today, one day it could very well be your problem.

Life changes with one phone call. If we do not change what is happening, who is next?

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #instagood #happy #love #knowgodnoglory #nogodnoglory #ithastostop #wakeup #knowledgeispower #nomore #think

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2018 & 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.


The Role of Free Will and Choice

Storms can be sudden and fierce raging until they suck the life out of us. If you give away all of your power, people will take it. When did we decide we could not have power? When did we determine we were powerless at the whim of everyone else? 

Communicating is the key to train and stand up for yourself and not get walked all over. You have to muster up the courage and be able to say what you want. It is the hardest part but possibly the most important.

Our beliefs and fears are important because, until that shifts, your life is going to be pretty crappy. When did you learn you had to please others to be safe? So many of us are guilty of this. We stop ourselves from speaking out to keep the peace. Sure, there are times when it makes sense to let it slide. Not everything is worth causing a ruckus over but too often we choose to pass the opportunity to be assertive, stand up for ourselves and use our voice.

If someone else is devaluing you, there is a good chance you are doing the same thing. So, change has to start with you. Whatever you do, as Dylan Thomas wrote, “Do not go gentle into that good night.”

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#instagood #love #happy #gentleintothatgoodnight #power #notyourtoy #selfrespect #youareworthy #joymmillsiwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #buythebook #joymmillssundaysoullutions

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2018 & 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.


An Open Letter

For whatever reason, when we hear we are bad at something or have a horrible experience with something, most of us put off trying again for a prolonged period because we want to avoid the potential for more pain and disappointment. When we do try again, we attempt half-hearted, so we can point to that and say, “See, just as I predicted. It didn’t work out.”

Here are what pops in my head when I think about being true to yourself:  integrity, beliefs, personal values, honesty, sincerity, unwavering principles, authentic, living by what is and what is not acceptable to you, your morals, ethics and not being false, truth. No one can tell you how to be true to yourself accept you. 

When I look back on my life, I sometimes cringe about some of the things I said and did wishing I could change it. You can, that is the gift. The bad feelings are your internal ethical GPS letting you know the direction you went in was wrong. It is an opportunity because you can change how you see it, grow and be different and never do it again. It is okay to slip, falter and fall. In these life lessons, they make you the person you are; they build and hone the essence of you.

If you try to make something happen and nothing happens, rethink the follow through. Most of us have the same patterns and repeat them over and over. Is that what defines us?  

You can learn to grow from all of the small daily failures, or to be happier; you can say, “I do not need…to please everyone and everything to be easy.”  In other words, would you rather be miserable instead of risking being happy?

Here is what I know:

Don’t let rude people ruin you no matter how much negativity they throw at you. Don’t sacrifice who you are. There is no need to stay put and partake in the decay they choose for their lives.  

Reconnect with your true self. It sounds cliché, but you have to become a positive thinker and cultivate new habits. Find meaning in your daily life and start pursuing what you truly love. Decide what is more important – to contribute something positive to the world or to protect yourself from criticism.

Turn your wounds into wisdom and strength. Remember, in doing something differently; it may surprise you. All sorts of new possibilities could spring up. Happiness starts on the inside.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

RELATED TOPICS———————————————-

Joymmills I Wish Death Would Take A Vacation – My Story

Joymmills Sunday Soul-lutions 

Authenticity

Being true to yourself

Personal development

Self-Improvement

I honor the truth within

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

Spoiler alert, there are skeletons in my family closet. The kind that haunts you late at night where you cannot sleep. Emotionally I have had walls up for as long as I can remember. People have always told me, either you know me well, or you do not know me at all. I am sure that acquaintances that mimicked friendships from time to time had deep roots in trust and abandonment issues that I have harbored my entire life. I was raised with narcissists at the helm. 

As I have gotten older, I have come to understand I was raised by people who were the embodiment of emotional unavailability. We knew we could not go for any type of support, affection and certainly not empathy. Whatever we were dealing with, their lives were always much worse. No one was there to hold their hand, so you better get over it. We were mocked if we cried. I remember feeling bad for my sister because she was a crier and our stepfather would prey on her. For as long as I could remember, my stepfather was a saint and did no wrong. 

As a kid, I walked on eggshells and never knew what I was going to get when I walked through the door. I still cringe when someone raises his or her voice. It makes me physically sick. 

As I delved into my childhood and faced the skeletons of my narcissistic relatives, I realize the weight I carried for so long was the equivalent of an onion; hard, heavy, many thick layers of memories, emotional scars and stinging as I attempted to pull the mass apart. Still, it is becoming easier as I go. I have to take a minute, walk away from it, regroup and then go back to it. 

How do you teach empathy when you have never experienced it? When I was young, I never dreamed of getting married and having children. My birthday was forgotten. When I became a parent myself, I did not want to be a parent that yelled, cussed through things and belittled their children. I honestly was not sure if I could be that parent and I was terrified. All I knew is I did not want my home to be like that. I did not want to create an environment that my child could not speak to me or open the door for fear of what was happening on the inside. 

I wish I could say I did not suffer anymore losses. I was very young and was not a perfect example of a stellar parent but when it came to my children, I did know love. The truth is the person I married did not get better with age. I divorced that guy after seven years. However, I did find my prince and the love of my life. He has stood by my side for just about thirty years. 

As I pull back the layers of my pain for examination, eventually I must let go. They are not me. They do not define me. I am determined to stay the course, and I will break the cycle for myself. 

My life is now filled with love. My happiness, success, and self-worth do not fluctuate. I am me. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I will continue to grow and flourish as I move on from my past. If you want to know more, read my book “I Wish Death Would Take A Vacation – My Story.”

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #skeletons #narcissistic #childhood #staythecourse #selfworth #lovemyself 

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

Happy 2019. May this year be better than the last. 

Deciding to choose peace regardless of the circumstance is a decision that will create happiness. If you go looking for joy as the goal; you will never find it because you have no control over other people. You have control over your emotions and yourself. Do things you love. Examine your life as it is right now. Continually picking up pieces here and there that relate to your life, altering them and making them fit is not happiness. 

Beginnings are beautiful. Starting something new offers excitement and opportunity for change, but often saying hello to the new means saying goodbye to what you understood. If you have not, you miss honoring the very best parts of what came before. 

How many of us become a self-fulfilling prophecy by not rethinking the follow through? Many of us have the same patterns and repeat them over and over. Let us not allow 2019 be the year that we did not break yet another cycle. We have an opportunity every day. If you are going to look for trouble, you will find it. Contribute something positive to the world.

You can either acknowledge the joy and the sorrow or life will serve up something or someone else you have to survive.  

If you miss what you were uncomfortable with or what was, own it. Share it with a friend or anyone you trust. All of the emotions and the energy that surrounds your beginnings and endings are real. It is essential, and you cannot leave it out of your story. The important thing is to know who you are from the inside out, right now!

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #peace #selffulfillingprophecy #joy #goal #newyear #Yourstory #newopportunity #2019 #controlyouremotions #createhappiness #newbeginnings #contributesomethingpositive

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.