An Open Letter

For 2021, accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.

 

We are headed into the third year of uncertainty, 2022. Of course, sometimes we get out of our heads long enough to focus on the present, accept it and make the best of it. It is not often enough.

 

We let the minor frustrations of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us. We get caught up in our heads and don’t know our lives to be better other than the few things that aren’t going our way. We call people to complain or spew out our gripes on social media. The older we grow, the quieter we become, and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in frequently. When we are young, it seems as if faster is better. But in time, we witness the power of slow and steady at work. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we have wasted time on in the past. Truth be told, the afternoon understands what the morning never expected.

 

I am endlessly fascinated by the link between the way we choose to live our lives and the happiness we enjoy on a daily basis or should enjoy. Let’s look back on 2021. We couldn’t stop looking. After all, we like a good train wreck or dumpster fire.

 

A month or so ago, I asked myself, what is one of the most important takeaways from this year? It is not the weight that breaks you down; it is the way you carry it. Compassion is the key to overcoming hardship. You can never know how many lives you have touched. Just remember, it is far more than you think. Even the tiniest acts of love and kindness can have a massive ripple effect.

 

Thank God that time is continuously moving us forward to a place of renewed perspective when we encounter those days, weeks or months when we do not have the vision or strength to move forward.

 

As we enter this new year, do not waste your energy fighting against where you are. Invest your energy in where you want to go. A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because its trust is not on the branch but in its wings.

 

Happy New Year!

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2020
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

 

An Open Letter

Marine Lance Corporal Jared Schmitz’s Final Homecoming

 

On Wednesday, September 8, 2021, I stood in support and respect of the family of the young Marine Lance Corporal Jared Schmitz. It was solemn. I was in awe of our humanity. It reminded me of what we are all capable of doing.

 

In my lifetime, I have never witnessed people coming together as they did on Wednesday. There were no politics, no colors, just everyone coming together unified for what was a terrible situation.

 

I listened to God Bless America playing in the distance, others pledging allegiance to our flags flying as far as the eye could see and saying prayers. A sea of people (thousands) lined up along the route from St. Louis Airport to St. Charles, MO, all coming together. It was so quiet as the procession came through, hands on hearts and salutes. It made me cry.

 

As I look back on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11, it was another time in our history, for a brief moment, we could all come together. This shows me we are all capable of supporting and respecting each other when we want to. Does it always have to be after horrific events?

 

Jared was twenty years old. If you put it in its proper perspective, he was only out of high school a little over two years. Yet, this one-man plus twelve of his comrades could bring us all together united in our grief. Hopefully, soon, we can remember united we stand, one nation under God, indivisible, and what our country was founded on; why young men and women put on uniforms, most to do a job they love, to keep us all safe. It is the same with the first responders and every other person who wears a uniform. God bless all of them.

 

Maybe one day we can all come together and be able to agree to disagree respectfully. People can stop to hear each other and listen to one another as they did this past Wednesday and the day after 911 so long ago.

 

Semper Fi (always faithful and always loyal) for Marine Lance Corporal Jared Schmitz, one of eleven Marines, one Navy Corpsman and one Army soldier killed due to an enemy attack while supporting non-combative evacuation operations, the ultimate sacrifice. May you all rest easy, and may we never forget.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Thank you KC for the photo.

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2021
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

An Open Letter

The tongue is the deadliest weapon. It is quick, sharp like a sword; it is fire and full of poison.

 

I am sure you heard the expression, “Everyone is entitled to their opinion.” Perhaps you have even said it to yourself, maybe to head off an argument or bring one to a close.

 

Based on where the world is right now, I am in the mindset you are only entitled to what you can argue for, a bit harsh, perhaps? You can learn how to construct and defend an argument and recognize when a belief has become indefensible.

 

All too often, the problem with “I am entitled to my opinion” is that it is used to shelter beliefs that should have been abandoned. It becomes shorthand, or I can say or do whatever I like. By extension, continuing to argue is somehow disrespectful. I believe this attitude feeds into the false equivalence between experts and non-experts and is an increasingly pernicious feature of public discourse. What I see happening and what I wish would happen is silence – vaccinated versus non-vaccinated; masks versus non-masks; you voted for this person, I didn’t. These are all opinions, and everyone has one.

 

There is wisdom in silence. Silence gives the other person time to process their thoughts. Have you ever noticed that you make the most insight when you share with someone else by being allowed to speak without interruption? It helps to process one’s thoughts and possibly figure out a solution.

 

Remember, silence separates your emotions from their emotions. We can be a part of another person’s sharing without interference in telling them how they must feel. Silence stirs wisdom and seeks truth. Impulsive speaking can cause a more foolish or selfish reaction. Everything we hear goes through a selfish filter that needs to be processed before we can actually speak our words or respond.

 

When we detach ourselves from a situation, we can see so much clarity and conviction.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2021
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

An Open Letter

Doggonit! An army of weeds has taken over the yard. You better call a weed guy. This is how most people assess a backyard overrun with dandelions but not children. They see a thousand wishes, thousands of flowers to give to mom.

 

It is true. A backyard flushed with dandelions can inspire an hour of an exciting adventure for a five-year-old. That exact same backyard can also inspire an hour of explanative laden adjectives for a fifty-year-old. It is the exact same scene but an entirely different perspective.

 

The cool thing? You get to choose, and your choice can change everything. It is the most important factor that determines the likelihood of your happiness and success. Believe it or not, most of the things we don’t like about life are changeable. The tricky part is that to get the result we desire, the first thing that needs to change is us. Is it really that simple? Actually, yes.

 

A change in perspective can change everything.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2021
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

An Open Letter

It is March again, which means we have spent twelve full months with life entirely upside down. People we loved and cared about that were here a year ago may not be today. The current state of affairs put the world on pause, but this pause allowed me to reflect on troubling matters. A time that so many others like me probably desperately needed to heal, not even knowing it. Sometimes it takes one’s world falling apart from the most beautiful mosaic to be built back up from the broken pieces.

 

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your hopes. Positivity is a choice. Choose wisely. Be smart to walk away from the negativity around you. It is never worth your while ever to engage in senseless drama.

 

Here is what I have learned, some people don’t notice things we do until we stop doing them. If you are struggling with this, know you are not alone. With Covid and so much turmoil in the world today, many of us are right there with you. Working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and live a life free of regret from moment to precious moment.

 

Nurture your important relationships so that when you tell people you love them, it is merely a ritualistic validation of what you already have shown them.

 

Maybe the world needed a time out to remember how to appreciate what it had but forgot to experience. Life is to be lived through the experience, not to be used as a pastime to observe and compare oneself with others.

 

I will leave you with a simple reminder, never forget to take care and love more because in a world where life is unpredictable and ever-changing, one cannot risk taking time or loved ones for granted. With that, I wish you a happy spring, and I look forward to your comments.

 

See you in April.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2021
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

 

An Open Letter

I had written something that resonated with a lot of you. If people are too hurt, too busy or just too damn stupid to see you are the blessing they have been asking for, then fall back. I know my worth. I deserve happiness. I deserve respect, and I deserve love. I have everything I need.

 

Let’s be honest. If you are not currently enjoying your life and you are not waking up every morning with a sense of excitement, you need to do something about it. You deserve to live a good life which is the encouragement I have been giving my husband these past few weeks. It made me seriously start thinking about stress that can make you physically ill. Stress is a vital warning system.

 

We all have that one friend or family member who is a constant drain on our energy. You want to keep that person in your life or may have to, but you could do without the huge amount of stress. While you cannot change who someone is, you can do a lot to remove the dysfunction from the situation. It is delicate. There are methods for staying sane for when the crazy train comes crashing into town.

 

What to do with the high maintenance people? They live in a world that revolves around them. They require a lot of time, money and effort. So, the only schedule that works for them is their own. They talk themselves up, they talk others down, and they will often forget or ignore the times you might need support.

 

It may be hard to know why someone may say or do something designed to hurt your feelings. If you do happen to be at the receiving end of this, do not let anyone else’s behavior change who you are. How many times do you have to remind yourself not to take it personally? People will judge you, hurt you and put you down to try and break you. Most often, this will have nothing to do with you.

 

What I have learned, I can acknowledge their feelings, but I do not have to buy into them. Even if people like this are shown to be wrong, they will not apologize and feel they owe you nothing. They will justify their behavior as examples of their strength and other favorable attributes. They will become defensive.

 

Life is capricious. It breeds interruptions and imperfections regularly. You can rarely count on things going according to plan, but you can plan for potential problems and handle them well.

 

You should not brag, but you should not be afraid to stand for what is good about you. It does not mean you have to tell people these things directly. The number one way to stop others from taking advantage of you is by setting clear, enforceable boundaries. You might get brushed aside, but someone reminded me in this past week, “You are a diamond, dear. They can’t break you.”

 

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2021
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

An Open Letter

Let’s be honest, 2020 rolled in as a kick in the ass, and nothing has calmed. This year will go down in history as one where we have lost, won, failed, cried, laughed, and loved. If we are lucky enough to be here still, we did not fold.

 

As 2020 winds down, I know many of us are yearning for the normal times (pre-Covid-19). This year continues to give us an extensive array of experiences that invoke feelings of sadness, struggle, pride, anger and loneliness. Regardless of the season in our lives we find ourselves in, we still can find happiness in the little things, and then there is always hope; hope that next year, as far as the pandemic goes; we can get a good widespread vaccine and promising therapeutics.

 

Changing our mindset has not come easily for any of us, especially as we have collectively dealt with the realities of Covid-19 and so many other events.

 

The sharpest weapon we have against anxiety, negativity and stress is our ability to choose one present thought for another. Remember, love has not been postponed, closed or canceled. Hope has not been postponed, closed or canceled. With that said, neither has grief. I have lost many friends and clients this year from Covid-19, not to mention other illnesses and injuries. These do not include the stories of others I heard about and did not know. It makes my heart ache, and I have shed many tears. I also have many friends who have caught the dreaded scourge and since have gotten well, which made me happy, so none of this makes sense to me why some are here and others are not. Only God himself knows the answer.

 

What makes me more upset is that no one is coming together, and the cavalier attitudes are not helping. We need to find a way to come together as human beings. Apparently, we are not listening. How many more wake-up calls do we need before we start treating each other with respect? Everyone has a right to their beliefs and their opinions. It is not up to us to judge them. We all are dealing with serious issues. Life is happening.

 

What will be your takeaway from 2020? It is not the weight that breaks you down, it is the way you carry it. Compassion is the key to overcoming hardship. You can never know how many lives you have touched. Remember, it is far more than you think. Even the tiniest acts of kindness can have a massive ripple effect.

 

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate your support. Happy New Year to all of you. Stay safe.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2020
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

An Open Letter

When you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube, you cannot put it back in. The same can be said about the words that come out of our mouths. Once they come out, they cannot be put back in.

 

Words are powerful in both positive and negative ways. To build a culture of kindness, we must realize the power of our words. We must realize our words can have a great positive effect or a devastatingly negative effect on those who hear them. A culture of kindness can only be built when the words that come out of our mouths or from our hearts are saturated with the power to lift people up, encourage them, and give them the strength to get through whatever it is that is happening in their day.

 

It does not matter that you did not mean it or were joking; sometimes, words just hurt. When we use them, we have a responsibility to do so with an awareness of their impact.

 

We can activate the power of evil or the power of life with our tongue; words matter.

 

Proverbs 12:18 – The words of the reckless pierce like swords but the tongue of the wise bring healing.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2020
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

 

Food for Thought

Statistics show us the world’s population is aging. Getting old is not so bad considering the alternative. So, let’s take a humorous look at aging, but first, a few statistics on aging.

 

In the United States, we have a group known as the Baby Boomers, people born in the years immediately after World War II from 1946-1964. This group accounts for a little more than a third of the US population. The oldest of the Baby Boomers turned 65 in 2011.

 

What is the definition of old? How old would you be if nobody told you how old you were? You probably have heard the expression; you are as old as you feel. Regardless, in the United States, 65 is the unofficial age of old because Medicare finally kicks in. I don’t like it!

 

Doing my research for this particular article, demographers often divide the older population into three stages. The young-old are age 65-74. This group is named the go-go years. People in this group are active and tend to do a lot of travel. The middle old is aged 75-84. This group is called the slow-go years. People in this group have become less active. The old-old group is aged 85 and older. This group is referred to as the no-go years because people in this group are least likely to be active. There are currently six million people in this age group and is the fastest-growing age group.

 

You know you are getting old when you notice these physical changes. It is not fair you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. You know you are getting old if it takes two tries to get off of the couch. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. It takes twice as long to look half as good. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work. You give up all of your bad habits and still don’t feel good. You sit in a rocking chair and you can’t get it going. Rocking in a rocking chair feels like a roller coaster ride. Your knees buckle and your belt won’t. You have that morning-after feeling when you wake up but you didn’t party the night before.

 

You know you are getting old when you notice these attitudes and changes in behaviors. You have more patience, but it is actually that you don’t care anymore. You confuse a clear conscience with a bad memory. You sing along with elevator music because you hear your favorite song in the elevator. You stop searching for the meaning of life because you have to focus on searching for your car keys that are in your hand. You speed on the highway so you can reach your destination before you forget where you are going.

 

You know you are getting old when you notice these changes in other people. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, did I wake you. Your children begin to look middle-aged. Your friends marry and divorce instead of making out and breaking up. Your phone contacts have mostly names that begin with Doctor. The pharmacist has become your new best friend, and you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.

 

You know you are getting old when you notice these changes in your social life. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. When you go out, your energy runs out before your money does. You look forward to a dull evening. You get two invitations for the same night out, and you pick the one that will get you home the earliest. Happy hour is a nap.

 

You know you are getting old when you have to call the grandkids for tech support. They ask you if you turned the computer off and then back on. You think a vine is something that grows in the garden. You think hooking up is a knitting technique.

 

Finally, you know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake cost more than the cake. Enjoy your coffee, and remember to laugh. “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long-life bring understanding? Job 12:12.”

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2020
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

The Role of Free Will and Choice

Still plagued by your past? Then this post is for you, but only if you want to be free, only if you want to know the open-heartedness and enthusiasm for life that come with making peace with the past.

 

I had a conversation some years back with someone who had been struggling emotionally and spiritually. The woman’s mother had died and left a box taped shut for each of her children. My friend gathered her box and promptly took it to storage unopened. This friend’s childhood was no walk in the park, and her mom was not easy. My friend was grief-stricken, and her mother’s death left her with deep heartache and more questions than answers. Her mind screamed with the should haves and ought to bes.

 

What I knew, when we recall a memory, it becomes a little unstable, and for a window of time, it is possible to modify it before it settles down again. That is why paradoxically recalling bad memories can help us heal from old wounds.

 

The box remained in storage for a very long time. At some point, my friend went to the storage unit after several years, retrieved the box, and put it in her house. It sat in a corner. The question that rolled around in her head was, can she deal with what is inside? Doubt crept in, was she strong enough? I remember telling her, “Courage will find you.”

 

As human beings, we are all resistant to all kinds of things. I value this friend. So, as any good friend would do, I encouraged her late one night to open the box. I remember saying, “It is time. Let the healing begin.”

 

I knew in time, like all of us, the broken places would begin to fill up with a better version of ourselves. I let her know I am right here, and you are not alone. There comes a point when we have to take responsibility for our happiness. We have to stop feeding the monsters.

 

Have you spent your life staring at a box of memories, unable to open it, much less travel back long enough to begin the journey and heal?

 

Change won’t wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for, and the only person that can work through your pain is you. We are the change we seek. I was proud of my friend that she could turn around, stand strong, and face the demons of her past and not be as frightened of that old box or any of its contents. It was time to open the box.

 

I think one of the keys to wisdom is constant and frequent questioning of everything. When we allow doubt and fear to creep in, our judgment becomes clouded, and there is no way to move forward. We all have a box gathering dust in the corner that needs to be opened up, looked at, sorted, and then, finally put away.

 

A memory is a thought, and the thought has no power or meaning whatsoever unless you give it power or meaning which create unsettled feelings. You have many thoughts about things that happened a long time ago. Where we get caught up is when our thoughts become sticky. You have an emotional reaction to them, and you think about them over and over. You keep them very much alive. Healing means letting go so the thoughts and feelings no longer impact you. We are looking at our memories through the lense of time. Our goal would be to neutralize the story from the past, so it loses its power over you. This is a work in progress.

 

I think what we are all going to need to do is live with the awareness we are fully alive, here and now. And I like the middle path; it is the intelligent path because when we are always dwelling on what happened and leaking your feelings all over the place, you keep yourself suffering. Hiding, indulging or stuffing your feelings doesn’t work in the long term. Instead, bring intelligence and clarity to your direct experience.

 

If you define yourself by your past, you will be living as a fraction of what is possible for you. Be a friend, a good neighbor and love fiercely because this all ends.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2020
MJM ®

 

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.