An Open Letter

The unhappiest people in the world are the people who care too much what others think. We do not need to please anyone but ourselves. A simple rule everyone can understand, if we try to impress at any cost, we are disguising ourselves.

 

If we disguise ourselves, our essence dies. No one deserves to hide his or her true self, emotions or thoughts. What people say and do to you is much more about them than you. People’s reaction to you is about their perspectives, wounds and experiences.

 

Whether people think you are amazing or believe you are the worst is more about them and how they view the world. Now, I am not saying we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all of the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I am merely saying incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things personally. In most cases, it is far more productive and healthier to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you and to operate with your intuition and wisdom as your guide.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

 

An Open Letter

No one could have anticipated the veracity of Hurricane Dorian and its cruel, angry decent on the Bahamas. They have gone through countless hurricanes, and on the eve of Dorian, they knew the drill. Board up your home, secure your belongings, and stock up on food, water, non-perishable items and snacks. However, no one could have prepared for a storm of this magnitude.

 

Bohemians have faced down the merciless beatings of many hurricanes in the past. No one could have anticipated what many could liken to an atomic bomb going off. Imagine enduring this hell for forty plus hours. Once the water subsides, the debris is cleared and the bodies are counted, what hope will be left for the Abacos, the Grand Bahama and the outer islands?

 

I can only imagine their nerves are frayed, and they are like war-torn veterans as of this writing. We still do not know how many are dead or trapped, holding out for rescue. In real-time, Bohemians fortunate enough to escape Dorian’s wrath, held their breath and watched in horror as familiar streets and neighborhoods were swallowed up. The boundaries where the ocean and land once met were erased. The sea moved inland along with the sharks, unimaginable horror.

 

The situation has devolved into a humanitarian crisis. So many people have jumped in to help navigate the most challenging logistics. I have spent many wonderful vacations in the Bahamas and have found the Bohemian people to be some of the kindest people on the planet. They need our help.

 

If you would like to help those affected by Hurricane Dorian in the Bahamas, why not donate to #bstrong. Here is your chance. One hundred percent of donations go directly to helping individuals in disaster impacted areas with no administrative or overhead expense withdrawals. Visit Bethenny.com/bstrong to contribute. Bethenny Frankel is partnered with Global Empowerment Mission.

 

Thank you for your support.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.
#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #bstrong #globalempowerment #hurricanedorianbahamas #healing #trust #empower #godhelpusall #love #heartbreakingpain #theyarehumanbeings #thisisacrisis

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Childhood gifted me with a number of unhealthy survival mechanisms which still follow me around today:  a deep fear of conflict because for me conflict meant someone would leave. Constant apologies and guilt I am not responsible for and a voice in the back of my mind telling me no matter what I do, who I am, who I become, it will never be enough. It is one thing to forgive and move on from a wound we received in the past and another animal entirely when we get hurt again and again in the same place by the same people; a scab not quite healed over before it is ripped off.

 

This week what I am feeling is anger, unfairness, and aversion. Repressed feelings mean they will come up again at some point, most likely when another situation triggers a similar response. Negative emotions sap our energy, and that can spread like wildfire. I liken it to a single match burning down an entire forest. I do not want anybody to steal my ability to love and care.

 

Confronting someone who has hurt you can be a daunting and challenging task. Saying to another person, man or woman, what you said hurt my feelings, please do not do that again, is appropriate.

 

Here is what I know. The less you feed the bully, the less often, he or she will take your lunch. As always, being an example is our best teacher.

 

I am sorry is a statement admitting you are wrong and not letting your ego stand in the way. At times, it means nothing to say I am sorry, but it is a stepping stone to a future change.

 

I will not do it again is a promise. A promise is a debt so be careful when using your words. How can I make it up to you is a responsibility. Changing is difficult but not changing is fatal. I had to learn this the hard way. I do not always understand other people’s actions, but actions speak louder than words.

 

There have been some people around me that have slipped under my radar, and then I wonder why it is so hard to trust people. I ask them, why is it so hard to keep a promise? How do we keep ourselves from being weighed down by what other people think because in a few years, a few decades, a few centuries, it will no longer matter.

 

Here is what I was forced to relearn in the last few weeks; if I felt I treated others with respect, I would deserve the same. So, today I am starting over. I am relearning to manage the way people meddle. A lot of it comes down to how you react. When times are tough, no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you but never forget what it taught you. Everything is going to come together, not immediately but eventually.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

An Open Letter

I am going to be honest with you. For a long season in my life, it felt like I was going through the motions trying to get through the next day. Because of that, I was not able to enjoy what was right in front of me. At other times, I carried an abysmal pit in my stomach. It felt like my true self was locked up inside crying out for freedom with no way out. It is not how God intended for us to live our lives. Then, for another season, things got better.

 

When people are ill, my husband included, and the prognosis is poor, you feel like the Red Sea is in front of you, and you reach for God in despair. You try hard to trust with your whole heart, but sometimes the waves become huge. We try to keep our eyes on the moment, but we feel shaken.

 

It can be emotionally challenging, and at times it can be lonely, overwhelming and exhausting; yet, it is normal, the new normal. I have stopped pretending that everything is like it used to be. You need time to grieve your old life.

 

What I know for us no topic is off limits. All subjects are fair game, the good, the bad and the ugly. I remind myself to listen, and I honestly hear what my husband is saying. I do not wallow in self-pity, which is very unattractive. I have learned to find what works as a team with my husband and others to improve the predicament.

 

We will all have times where there does not appear to be a way out. Always remember, only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

 

What was very normal the other day, watching my husband play with our small grandson. Hearing that little voice say, “I love you, too, PaPa,” and the light in their eyes illuminating would warm up the coldest days. It reminded me, if for a moment, right now everything is good, and I thank God for our Grandchildren.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

An Open Letter

My philosophy is I have more faith than fear. I choose to be grateful. I take responsibility for my happiness. I am not a victim. I do not replay hardships of my past over and over. I have learned to save myself from myself. I chose to stop listening to doubt. I own my mistakes then forget them. I love myself first, and I get on with my life. I have never let failure convince me to quit. I am not the best at everything. I do not know if I am the best at anything. I do not ever let that prevent me from trying. Failure is a gift, and without it, you will never be successful.

 

Everybody has dull moments in life. When happiness eludes you, your soul is disturbed somehow. You do not feel anything because you are trying to be strong. How do you bounce back when life knocks you sideways?

 

We all go through times and seasons, and our joy seems to get lost. If we have not mourned it, if we have not grieved it, we switch into “coping” mode. The road ahead can be wide open, and you can be happy. There is a delicate balance. Perhaps you might have lost your sense of joy trying to take care of someone else’s constant sorrow, cynicism, anger and loss. You do not always want to be the strong one.

 

Until you decide to get to know yourself and make a connection with your inner self, you then will realize you are the only person who has the power and that power comes from the inside. The truth is, the moment we look outside for happiness is the moment we allow our happiness to be controlled. Every time you seek social validation or acceptance, you are handing your power over to others.

 

There could be a breakthrough ahead. Your breaking point is a solo journey. No outside feedback allowed. If you are feeling so unhappy, maybe your philosophy can be your entire life is based on external feedback and contributions that were never truly welcome in the first place. When you feel like you have reached that breaking point, something beautiful happens, you begin to listen to yourself, your truth. Your suffering will be where the healing begins.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

An Open Letter

If I were writing a letter and I am supposed to be loving me first, should not the letter be addressed as “It is me?” I would address the letter as, “Joy, wake up. How have you been?”

 

I have been on quite a journey these past two weeks. I hugged my knees, cried for hours until the tears dried, and then I started to cry again. I sat there on the floor in a daze at the stormy situation around me. The fear was palpable, and the pain was real. It was heart-wrenching pain.

 

Life is never a straight line. Calamities and hardships are your greatest blessings. You know, the lessons in disguise. What the difficulties, the unexpected do is force us into a new and better version of ourselves. You are made to survive the hardest days of your life. I choose to live life on purpose. Here is to today and the week that awaits me and no matter what the week serves up, may I be grateful through it all.

 

Some years back, I had a grand epiphany. What I have learned is you have to stop giving so much of yourself to people who cannot even identify who they are. If these people do not sacrifice for you, then they should gain nothing from you. Things of value require sacrifice. It is a work in progress.

 

If people are too hurt, too busy or just too damn stupid to see you are the blessing they have been asking for, then, fall back. I know my worth. I deserve happiness, I deserve respect, and I deserve love. I have everything I need.

 

Deep down I am still haunted by past experiences. I know there is still unfinished business. I hope there is a resolution one day. I am grateful for the life I have now. It is my life, and I would not change a thing. If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans for the day.

 

Everyone has a story, and no two stories are the same. Remember, there are over seven billion people in this world, and none of them are like you. Your entire life journey is a series of footprints that have brought you to this very moment in time. Life is a tapestry of people weaving in and out of your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Every one of them has something to offer and share with you.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

An Open Letter

Life is a toilet, but technically we are the ones who fill it, and thus, we are full of it as well. The toilet is not a place of residence. You get to leave the toilet when you are finished, unlike real life when you do not know when it will be over.

Breaking the habit of yourself requires a heavy dose of appreciation. You show up every day at a job you hate. Your marriage makes you feel miserable. You hate where you live. How the heck did I get here? How the heck do I get out?

Everything shows up for us based on what we believe to be true, what we believe we deserve. There is nothing more preventative from moving ahead than living in the past and continuing negative stories we tell ourselves. Misfortune can be an incredible opportunity to notice we are stuck in the state of mind that will never lead to fulfilled desires. Adversity could be a wake-up call telling us we are out of harmony with the life we want. 

I doubt that any of us have become masters of our Universe. Adversity and misfortune will probably end up in the mix of our daily life. We need to learn how to gain the maximum benefit from it. Maybe we feel like a shadow version of the person we know we are. If any of this sounds familiar to you, now is an excellent time to contemplate on what it is you want. Reassess your goals and remind yourself you are in the driver seat of your life.

Stop trying to figure it out all on your own. The truth is sometimes we do not see what we are doing wrong, and we need someone else to point it out. It is usually embarrassingly obvious when we look at it, but we would have never noticed it if not for an expert or a friend offering us another perspective. You are not alone in your struggles. The same handful of issues repeat themselves in so many lives. 

Put your insights into practice. You have to get clear on your purpose and vision. Thankfully, I woke up to who I really am. Beyond my body, thoughts, emotions, titles and roles, I discovered I was a soul in a body, not a body with a soul. 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #joymmills #instagood #toilets #driverseat #soulinabody

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

For whatever reason, when we hear we are bad at something or have a horrible experience with something, most of us put off trying again for a prolonged period because we want to avoid the potential for more pain and disappointment. When we do try again, we attempt half-hearted, so we can point to that and say, “See, just as I predicted. It didn’t work out.”

Here are what pops in my head when I think about being true to yourself:  integrity, beliefs, personal values, honesty, sincerity, unwavering principles, authentic, living by what is and what is not acceptable to you, your morals, ethics and not being false, truth. No one can tell you how to be true to yourself accept you. 

When I look back on my life, I sometimes cringe about some of the things I said and did wishing I could change it. You can, that is the gift. The bad feelings are your internal ethical GPS letting you know the direction you went in was wrong. It is an opportunity because you can change how you see it, grow and be different and never do it again. It is okay to slip, falter and fall. In these life lessons, they make you the person you are; they build and hone the essence of you.

If you try to make something happen and nothing happens, rethink the follow through. Most of us have the same patterns and repeat them over and over. Is that what defines us?  

You can learn to grow from all of the small daily failures, or to be happier; you can say, “I do not need…to please everyone and everything to be easy.”  In other words, would you rather be miserable instead of risking being happy?

Here is what I know:

Don’t let rude people ruin you no matter how much negativity they throw at you. Don’t sacrifice who you are. There is no need to stay put and partake in the decay they choose for their lives.  

Reconnect with your true self. It sounds cliché, but you have to become a positive thinker and cultivate new habits. Find meaning in your daily life and start pursuing what you truly love. Decide what is more important – to contribute something positive to the world or to protect yourself from criticism.

Turn your wounds into wisdom and strength. Remember, in doing something differently; it may surprise you. All sorts of new possibilities could spring up. Happiness starts on the inside.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

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Joymmills I Wish Death Would Take A Vacation – My Story

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I honor the truth within

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

Spoiler alert, there are skeletons in my family closet. The kind that haunts you late at night where you cannot sleep. Emotionally I have had walls up for as long as I can remember. People have always told me, either you know me well, or you do not know me at all. I am sure that acquaintances that mimicked friendships from time to time had deep roots in trust and abandonment issues that I have harbored my entire life. I was raised with narcissists at the helm. 

As I have gotten older, I have come to understand I was raised by people who were the embodiment of emotional unavailability. We knew we could not go for any type of support, affection and certainly not empathy. Whatever we were dealing with, their lives were always much worse. No one was there to hold their hand, so you better get over it. We were mocked if we cried. I remember feeling bad for my sister because she was a crier and our stepfather would prey on her. For as long as I could remember, my stepfather was a saint and did no wrong. 

As a kid, I walked on eggshells and never knew what I was going to get when I walked through the door. I still cringe when someone raises his or her voice. It makes me physically sick. 

As I delved into my childhood and faced the skeletons of my narcissistic relatives, I realize the weight I carried for so long was the equivalent of an onion; hard, heavy, many thick layers of memories, emotional scars and stinging as I attempted to pull the mass apart. Still, it is becoming easier as I go. I have to take a minute, walk away from it, regroup and then go back to it. 

How do you teach empathy when you have never experienced it? When I was young, I never dreamed of getting married and having children. My birthday was forgotten. When I became a parent myself, I did not want to be a parent that yelled, cussed through things and belittled their children. I honestly was not sure if I could be that parent and I was terrified. All I knew is I did not want my home to be like that. I did not want to create an environment that my child could not speak to me or open the door for fear of what was happening on the inside. 

I wish I could say I did not suffer anymore losses. I was very young and was not a perfect example of a stellar parent but when it came to my children, I did know love. The truth is the person I married did not get better with age. I divorced that guy after seven years. However, I did find my prince and the love of my life. He has stood by my side for just about thirty years. 

As I pull back the layers of my pain for examination, eventually I must let go. They are not me. They do not define me. I am determined to stay the course, and I will break the cycle for myself. 

My life is now filled with love. My happiness, success, and self-worth do not fluctuate. I am me. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I will continue to grow and flourish as I move on from my past. If you want to know more, read my book “I Wish Death Would Take A Vacation – My Story.”

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #skeletons #narcissistic #childhood #staythecourse #selfworth #lovemyself 

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

Happy 2019. May this year be better than the last. 

Deciding to choose peace regardless of the circumstance is a decision that will create happiness. If you go looking for joy as the goal; you will never find it because you have no control over other people. You have control over your emotions and yourself. Do things you love. Examine your life as it is right now. Continually picking up pieces here and there that relate to your life, altering them and making them fit is not happiness. 

Beginnings are beautiful. Starting something new offers excitement and opportunity for change, but often saying hello to the new means saying goodbye to what you understood. If you have not, you miss honoring the very best parts of what came before. 

How many of us become a self-fulfilling prophecy by not rethinking the follow through? Many of us have the same patterns and repeat them over and over. Let us not allow 2019 be the year that we did not break yet another cycle. We have an opportunity every day. If you are going to look for trouble, you will find it. Contribute something positive to the world.

You can either acknowledge the joy and the sorrow or life will serve up something or someone else you have to survive.  

If you miss what you were uncomfortable with or what was, own it. Share it with a friend or anyone you trust. All of the emotions and the energy that surrounds your beginnings and endings are real. It is essential, and you cannot leave it out of your story. The important thing is to know who you are from the inside out, right now!

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #peace #selffulfillingprophecy #joy #goal #newyear #Yourstory #newopportunity #2019 #controlyouremotions #createhappiness #newbeginnings #contributesomethingpositive

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.