Hi, it’s me again.

Most people intuitively know when it is time to cut ties. Sadly, we may have carried this knowledge for a long time before we are ever ready to make the jump.

In just a few words, family defines us. Families can be the ones that drive you nuts. Is there a fair trade? Do you have to take the good with the bad? Just because you were born into chaos, does that mean you have to remain there stuck?

The key ingredients in a healthy relationship are acceptance, love, the ability to agree or disagree and mutual respect without having to change or control each other.

Sometimes you may need to cut some family out of your life whether momentarily or permanently. Keeping an open space for them and continuing to make an effort to reach out is emotionally exhausting. 

Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you if you do not recognize situations for what they are. It is up to you to act. Keep things intact if you can but do not be afraid to let go and do things for you if you must.

Learn to accept and value you. No one else’s judgement should be the inner voice in your head creating thoughts of ridicule or self-doubt. All details to the side, this is your life. You may not be able to control all things toxic to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them in the long run. Do not be fooled.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#stop #think #act #family #happiness #peace #selfcare #control #dontbefooled

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2018

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

Hi, it’s me again.

Have you ever felt trapped in God’s little acre, east of the rock and west of the hard place?

There is no requirement to attend every argument you have received an invitation to including the ones with yourself. There are going to be times in your life when you feel you have mastered all of the wrong lessons. You are forced to start over. That sucks.

If you wrote a letter to yourself, would it look like this?

Dear Me,

I am putting it out there and declaring my intentions. The time has come to heal on a deeper level and look at my life from a different perspective; ask for what I want and remain true to myself all of the time. The minute I forget this, the enemy will step in, “ME in my way.”

I realize I have to be the hero of my spiritual journey. Like any great hero, I have to slay the demons of illusion with the sword of knowledge and the shield of courage.

My direction is to head towards a stable situation and step into a peaceful place. 

There are times I feel chased by pain and weakness that rest deep in my heart. I am learning there is nothing wrong with self-care.

Love,

Me

Here is what I know for sure, drama begets drama. We are all teachers and students. We teach, and we learn. If we haven’t learned, we find ourselves trapped in God’s little acre.

What I have learned, try and get it right.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#Godslittleacre #Eastversuswest #peace

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2018

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

Hi, it’s me again.

People make a dozen excuses for not engaging in the outside world or with the people around them. I am too old. I am too young. I am too busy. I can’t afford it. Those things don’t happen to people like me. There are so many more examples I could give you, but I think you get the point.

We let the hardest lessons harden our hearts. We forget to smile. We don’t engage people. We don’t ask people their stories. None of us are truly listening. We are all just waiting to talk. We avoid eye contact. We hide behind gadgets. We are robbing ourselves of real relationships in real life. One day you will be slapped with the reality of a missed memory and time. That is far more unsettling than a missed text or that critical e-mail. We have to be more human again. 

Are you tired of dealing with the same headaches and heartaches over and over again? It is time to break the cycle. Purge some bad habits and embrace discomfort. It is time to learn from our mistakes. You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. 

We have to challenge our understandings and uncertainties. At the end of life, we don’t want to be caught not honoring ourselves or the one who created us. We have to begin to lose the expectation that everything should be more comfortable. There are rarely shortcuts to a place worth going.

Don’t avoid uncomfortable hard things all of the time. Those actions may move your life, one step in the right direction. Stop trying to escape. It would be better if you just lived life and savored the moments.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2018

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

Hi, it’s me again.

When we are upset, can we choose to make wise decisions? Don’t rely on feelings or emotions when the going gets tough. Our feelings don’t carry us to the right decisions; rather, right decisions carry us to the right emotions and positive rewards. Decide to choose peace.

Here is what I know:

Deciding to choose peace regardless of the circumstance is a decision that will create happiness. If you go looking for happiness as the goal, you will never find it because you have no control over other people. You do have control over yourself and your emotions. Do things that you love. Examine your life as it is right now. Is it giving you blisters instead of bliss? 

Continually picking up pieces here and there that relate to your life, altering them and making them fit is not happiness. Making good choices for yourself is by far the hardest and easiest thing you will ever do. Instead of keeping track of what other people around you are doing or not doing, start keeping track of how you are handling each situation. 

Life doesn’t always turn out how we planned but our action and reaction to everything and everyone around us can make us begin to appreciate how far we have come and feel blessed in our day-to-day routines. That is the beginning of spiritual growth.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2018

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

Hi, it’s me again.

As these last days and hours of 2017 wind down, I was thinking about the hard truths. Is there order from chaos?

Your heart gets broken. No one is rallying around you with the same enthusiasm as with the pain and criticism they brought. Then the day comes when the risk to remain silent and keep your pain buried is more painful than the risk to acknowledge it and find your strength. It takes courage to turn inward, to break apart what you are feeling and to recognize your pain, whatever that may be.

My prayer for the remainder of these hours left in 2017 is that heaven hears us. We may feel lost with no cause. We can’t hold onto the past. The best thing we can do is pray that we break our hearts wide open so the whole world falls in.

The cool thing about learning how to overcome your fear and negative emotion, you have to be willing to choose love and let go of resentment. It is hard to face the truth and realize your whole life is being done by you, not to you. Get out of your own way. You don’t have to be a victim. It can start today. It doesn’t have to be a resolution. They never work.

When we can finally obtain the gift of each situation, we are truly living a peace-filled and blessed life.

Happy New Year!

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2018

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

Hi, it’s me again.

I was thinking about the past and present. Honoring past relationships has proven to have a significant restorative power. You don’t think about the task of mourning relationships until you have succumbed to the dark hole of grief.

There is a first of everything even a first death anniversary. In other countries, there are rituals for expressing one’s respectful feelings for the ancestors. Somehow it has gotten lost in translation here in the United States.

We should advocate for finding constructive ways to cope with the harsh days. There is no right way or wrong way. Some will fully feel the sadness and emotion of that day instead of celebrating life.

Someone told me it was better to celebrate your loved one’s birthday and I agree. One person had said they dreaded the death anniversary date so much; they realized it had been forgotten about until they looked at the calendar. They found this a positive step in healing but yet felt guilty for not remembering.

Grief is working through and adjusting to the idea our loved ones aren’t here with us any longer. That takes time. I can tell you everyone is different. We all don’t live the same. We all don’t grieve the same. We all don’t laugh the same. We are not the same. The event of death defines a before and after and a past and present.

The myth of closure is the hardest pill to swallow if you loved them. You get through it, not over it and this is a huge accomplishment.

As I am writing this, I am coming up on some first anniversaries. I can’t tell you how I will react. I don’t know yet, but I hope to celebrate that they were a part of my life. I will never forget them.

I wish all of you peace as this year comes to an end. For all of you grieving, I am sorry for your loss.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2017

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.