The Role of Free Will and Choice

Last week, someone told me a story of their adult child bullying, infighting and cursing them out. They were heartbroken. When did that kind of disrespect become okay? It will suck the life out of you. Stop giving it attention. If it were a job, you would need to quit. If it is a person, you need to cut them out long enough to get a second wind and figure out what is best for you. No one wins. You have the right to feel safe in your relationships, even with your family.


Selfishness is a big issue these days. How do we manage it? First, let’s define the term. The two primary characteristics of selfishness are being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself and having no regard for the needs or feelings of others. If someone is entirely self-involved and uncaring about anyone else, they are not likely to be responsive to you in any other way other than elevating how you meet their needs.


Let me explain. Understanding does not mean letting someone off the hook. If you can get behind disrespectful behavior and discover what motivates it, you have a better chance of responding in a way that may make it less powerful. The truth is, we as mothers, love our children deeply. Most of us are proud of them.


For part of my life, I thought everyone had a hallmark card, happy family. Throughout the years of my work, it is quite the contrary. Family estrangement is an epidemic because of its prevalence, and a silent epidemic because, like myself, I have been too ashamed to talk about it. The shame is killing us.


The sad truth is some adult children will try to bully you into submission if you let them. We have to stop pretending that it is okay when it is not. What parents need to understand is you do not have to neglect yourself because others do.


Character assessments are one thing, but character assassinations are a whole different level of disrespect. Silence is not weakness; silence is not ignoring the problem; silence should always be in your toolbox. Reciprocating their anger and adding fuel to their fire will just make things worse. Silence is always there for a moment of clarity.


Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©


Written with love.


Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019


*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.



Disclaimer: This article is not intended to address those with clinical depression or other mental illnesses.