Food for Thought | Joy M. Mills

I hate every cliché about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a vast untraversable land for those of us that crave justice. The very thought of letting someone walk away scot free makes me sick.

I can see all of your faces the moment I say I am writing about how to forgive someone who never gave an apology. When people treat you like they do not care, believe them. Today I decided to forgive you not because you apologized or because you acknowledged the pain you caused me but because I deserve peace.

Many offenses are personal. Let us be clear; do not confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. Reconciliation is a beautiful, magical, redeeming experience if it happens. Forgiveness is for you and your heart without the other person’s participation. It is not an eraser that will wipe away the pain that has happened to you.

The wrong way to apologize for me is when somebody will justify, minimize, excuse their behaviors or not say anything. The right way to apologize is to acknowledge, accept and express. I am not talking about a quick fix to years of pain. We need to all start looking simply to arrive at our best possible selves.

Forgiveness is reclaiming your power. The misery you will feel is heart-breaking. Your soul hurts, your body feels tortured, you do not sleep, and your mind is shattered. You lose your power when you feel abandoned. You cannot control what other people do. We can only control how we react to them even if they never know. Either we choose to empower or disempower ourselves with our reactions.

Forgiving a person does not mean you have to trust them or forget what they did. You do not have to stay there in the replay of the pain. You can move on.

Forgiveness is the final step in a healing process. When we let go of our painful past, we make way for a bright and hopeful present and future. Forgiveness is the ultimate expression of love; the best gift we give ourselves.

Written with love.

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.