An Open Letter | Joy M. Mills

I had written something that resonated with a lot of you. If people are too hurt, too busy or just too damn stupid to see you are the blessing they have been asking for, then fall back. I know my worth. I deserve happiness. I deserve respect, and I deserve love. I have everything I need.

Let’s be honest. If you are not currently enjoying your life and you are not waking up every morning with a sense of excitement, you need to do something about it. You deserve to live a good life which is the encouragement I have been giving my husband these past few weeks. It made me seriously start thinking about stress that can make you physically ill. Stress is a vital warning system.

We all have that one friend or family member who is a constant drain on our energy. You want to keep that person in your life or may have to, but you could do without the huge amount of stress. While you cannot change who someone is, you can do a lot to remove the dysfunction from the situation. It is delicate. There are methods for staying sane for when the crazy train comes crashing into town.

What to do with the high maintenance people? They live in a world that revolves around them. They require a lot of time, money and effort. So, the only schedule that works for them is their own. They talk themselves up, they talk others down, and they will often forget or ignore the times you might need support.

It may be hard to know why someone may say or do something designed to hurt your feelings. If you do happen to be at the receiving end of this, do not let anyone else’s behavior change who you are. How many times do you have to remind yourself not to take it personally? People will judge you, hurt you and put you down to try and break you. Most often, this will have nothing to do with you.

What I have learned, I can acknowledge their feelings, but I do not have to buy into them. Even if people like this are shown to be wrong, they will not apologize and feel they owe you nothing. They will justify their behavior as examples of their strength and other favorable attributes. They will become defensive.

Life is capricious. It breeds interruptions and imperfections regularly. You can rarely count on things going according to plan, but you can plan for potential problems and handle them well.

You should not brag, but you should not be afraid to stand for what is good about you. It does not mean you have to tell people these things directly. The number one way to stop others from taking advantage of you is by setting clear, enforceable boundaries. You might get brushed aside, but someone reminded me in this past week, “You are a diamond, dear. They can’t break you.”

Written with love.

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.