An Open Letter | Joy M. Mills

This month you might think, based on the above picture, I am going to tell you how to live in a constant state of love and positivity. That is not the case, nor is it realistic. The truth does not cease to exist when it is forgotten. As we live our lives, we inevitably encounter distressing situations and tough periods, which can bring out unloving responses for those around us. In particular, in what has been one of the most distressing periods in history.

What I am relearning over time is how to choose empathy and kindness for myself and others, even during times of conflict and instability. Life is messy. I am a human being, and it is not always easy.

Being on this long break, I have been trying to break an unhealthy relationship with soda. I find myself having emotional outbursts, at times with my head throbbing from caffeine withdrawal. I find myself angry at me for not listening to my doctors when I was told it is imperative I stop drinking soda. One morning, not long ago, I grumbled to myself in the kitchen, I yelled at those around me to clean off my countertops. Those that know me understand I can be a bit of a neat freak; this can be a good quality, but not when breakfast is being served.

When there was minimal improvement on the countertops, I found myself spewing out a tirade of complaints. As the harsh words tumbled out of my mouth, I cringed. I sounded so unreasonable, erratic and irrational. I was unhinged. In my state of duress, I could not pull it together. What I had to remind myself, as I calmed, irrationality loses power in the face of reason. Fear wanes in the presence of calm.

I stepped outside with my cup of coffee, found a seat, and asked myself three questions. Is what I was saying reasonable? Did I sound like the voice of reason? Did my body language match my voice and words? The answers to these questions that morning, no. So, I found myself contributing to conflict. Most days, my answer would be yes; but on this morning, I needed to walk it back.

Think of the progress all of us could make if we offered compassion and sought out understanding in a time of great uncertainty. Our ability to choose one good thought over another is our sharpest tool against anxiety, negativity, and stress.

Written with love.

**This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.