Hi, it’s me again.
Just like that, the days have turned into weeks, months and the anniversary of year two is rolling around. Below is the Epilogue from my newest book, “I Wish Death Would Take a Vacation – My Story.”
You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for how you handle yourself moving forward. There are times we are forced to do it afraid.
You have to start taking care of yourself. You are loved. You are not defined as a failure because other people believe it to be true. For me, it is not “The End” of my story.
There are dreams beyond all of this pain. Let go of what should be. Dare to imagine creating a full and beautiful life for yourself. It takes baby steps. You have only but to look up at the stars and celebrate the small victories. Even when we cannot see them, they are there.
My home gives me a sense of security and comfort. Leaving requires me to move out of my comfort zone. My family represents a safe place to rest and recharge. Home is where you can be yourself. It is not a structure; it is not brick or mortar but a place inside your heart, deep in your soul. It is reflective.
God will it, so be it. Believe it, and you will gain patience. Grief is not a gallon of milk or a carton of eggs. It is learning to reset your heart. Resetting your heart is letting go of the picture of the way you wanted it to be.
I wish I could tell you grief would end with a service on the calendar. What no one tells you is that death is the calendar. Some might think that there is an acceptable shelf life, a handful of weeks and then it should be off the shelf out of our home and permanently removed with the weekly trash service, if it were only that simple.
Grief is a long journey. It does not mean you cannot live a happy life, but it is a choice and takes work. Grief never really goes away. You get through each death. You never really get over it. I am going to give myself a break. I was left reeling with my mom’s death. Up until now, I did not understand that when my mom took her last breath, I would be transported back in time to that four-year-old standing in the hallway saying, “Mommy don’t leave me.” It was like someone took a shovel and hit me in the face. I did not know how I was ever going to get back up again. Sometimes you are forced to revisit the past so you can finally lay it to rest. If that ever happens.
The key to grieving is not to try and stop it as quickly as possible. Grief cannot be shut off at will despite telling yourself otherwise. What matters is we acknowledge that we are in pain and try to find the goodness in our life despite it.
It is important to remember this: you did not ask to be born into a family with narcissistic people at the helm, but you have a chance every day to begin again, to get in touch with the beauty and the brilliance that is inside you. It has always been there. You deserve to feel wanted, respected and safe. It is your life. You get to call the shots. Remember that. You are more resilient than you know.
If you would like to purchase a signed copy of my book, I invite you to click the book tab.
Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©
Written with love.
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Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2018
*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.
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