Hi, it’s me again.
I was thinking about the past and present. Honoring past relationships has proven to have a significant restorative power. You don’t think about the task of mourning relationships until you have succumbed to the dark hole of grief.
There is a first of everything even a first death anniversary. In other countries, there are rituals for expressing one’s respectful feelings for the ancestors. Somehow it has gotten lost in translation here in the United States.
We should advocate for finding constructive ways to cope with the harsh days. There is no right way or wrong way. Some will fully feel the sadness and emotion of that day instead of celebrating life.
Someone told me it was better to celebrate your loved one’s birthday and I agree. One person had said they dreaded the death anniversary date so much; they realized it had been forgotten about until they looked at the calendar. They found this a positive step in healing but yet felt guilty for not remembering.
Grief is working through and adjusting to the idea our loved ones aren’t here with us any longer. That takes time. I can tell you everyone is different. We all don’t live the same. We all don’t grieve the same. We all don’t laugh the same. We are not the same. The event of death defines a before and after and a past and present.
The myth of closure is the hardest pill to swallow if you loved them. You get through it, not over it and this is a huge accomplishment.
As I am writing this, I am coming up on some first anniversaries. I can’t tell you how I will react. I don’t know yet, but I hope to celebrate that they were a part of my life. I will never forget them.
I wish all of you peace as this year comes to an end. For all of you grieving, I am sorry for your loss.
Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©
Written with love.
Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2017
*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.