Hi, it’s me again.
At what point do we go from actively involved parents to a complete role reversal? Parents don’t want their children to have to wipe away the stalactites of drool from their mouths or have to hear the same story repeated over and over.
You might be justifiably annoyed but take a step back for a moment. Consider how seniors feel when they have diminished capacity. In particular, when the person first starts slipping and they are aware of the loss and are often terrified, scared and saddened.
I don’t believe on their laundry list of things to do that at the top of the list was to become a burden to their children? I want to be the one intent on forging my path as a parent and don’t want my caregiving to dominate my children’s lives.
I heard once you could have a code word if you start to witness these things happening. We could use the code word, Montana. In other words, once you are on the way to the nursing home, you could bail out, keep on driving and flee to, let’s say, Montana; the free and vast skies of Montana. It’s tempting, nonetheless.
A voice at the center of my being would tell me that I belong not in Montana but with my parents. What voice was this that I would hear? For me, it would be God’s voice directing me to accompany my mother and father in their decline. For a lot of us that have been in the bowels of this time, would feel the God of that caregiving period is not a caring presence.
If you are a caregiver, you will find there are days you cannot summon up the Supreme Being who provided you with a vision of possible order and goodness in the world. How would such a Being allow old people, much less a young person to lose their minds and allow a disease to ravage the core of their character or body?
You are trying to look on the bright side and make the best of it. If so, does that mean you are telling yourself the story has ended? First of all, kudos to you for staying on the sunny side of the street but shame on you for giving up so early. Just because things don’t manifest in the frame of the perfect picture you have in your mind, not all that glitters is gold.
Think long and hard. It is going to be us one day. If you have a powerful mind now, think how you would like to keep your dignity. Share your stories. You can pray as hard as possible. You can throw coins into a wishing well. You can spout endless affirmations – all with the goal of maybe not getting old or you can make your plans now, so you don’t have to arrive in Montana or send your children to Montana looking for you.
In loving memory of the young and old alike.
Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©
Written with love.
Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2017