Rut Loving Self
Dramatic attempts at becoming a new person tend to end in disappointment. No matter how well you transform your appearance, behavior, talk and habits, your old self is still there.
You may be feeling a little pissy about shoving your old self in the closet. I might add so your new self can shine. Eventually, the old self crawls back into view. So, you talk a little louder, try a little harder, make happier sounds until you sound anxious and conflicted to everyone you meet. You did not do the work. Each day is a new beginning, a new chance and a new opportunity for you to create something better and something unique.
I want to strongly recommend you bring your current rut loving self with you to work, to live side by side with your brand-new rut breaking self. If you try to leave your old self behind, it will find and haunt you. You will feel weird about your new life. You will feel angry at yourself for sometimes viewing all of the things you once loved as expendable. These things are likely to happen either way, but the experience will be harder if you do not anticipate it.
Use your times of quiet and private laziness to fuel your brave outgoing bursts of covering new ground. Reward periods of hard work with small indulgences. Once you have managed to find balance in your life, you develop the ability to savor the work and the reward. You savor the courage, and you will no longer have to savor the fear. You will be proud of your toughness and also proud of your ability to remain vulnerable and open despite all you have been through in life. Occasionally you will get stuck a little. What you will not do is avoid the world again.
These things will not stay boxed up for long. I did that over and over in my twenties and part of my thirties. I kept turning over a new leaf. Everything was much better than a few months ago. Everything I did a few months ago was stupid, messy and ridiculous.
Fear and faith cannot live side by side. You have to pick a lane and stay in it. Never apologize for being more than you believed you should be.
Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©
Written with love.
Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2019
*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.