Food for Thought | Joy M. Mills

I used to be a nice person; I would always put others before myself and appease those around me. I would volunteer to do the bulk of the work for various projects. I backed down from my requests if it inconvenienced anyone. It left me exhausted.

If you are always giving, people will expect that of you. You will develop an unrealistic expectation of others. I have noticed this in my life.

I saw a pattern, and it became quickly overwhelming. Being able to gently say no without providing too many reasons or arguing it was key. At times, I would offer the help to get a person organized so they could help themselves or refer them to people and resources. The harsh lesson: when you are busy taking care of everyone else, you forget to take care of yourself. It leads to your basic needs not being met, and you spiral into depression and burn out.

Imagine a world devoid of hope, a world with an end in sight; not an end that compensates by carving a meaning into the story, but an end that is brutal, destructive and soul-wrenching. That is precisely how this past week has gone.

So now, instead of being nice, I am practicing being vulnerable. I am using my tools to let you know I am overextended emotionally. I am not just going to sweep it under the rug. I am dealing with an unclear picture as far as my husband’s health goes, and now I am told my beloved dog is dying. So, nice? Not this week.

Instead, I am going to use this past week as a red flag to know I need to take care of my own needs and to keep working, which is how I thrive. The point of Soul-lutions is and always will be a place to come and see a little bit of yourself in it and realize if you look around, you are never really alone.

Kindness may be a prerequisite for healthy and meaningful relationships; conversely, if you cannot set boundaries, it can lead to an invitation to those who may drain you emotionally and spiritually.

Let’s face it, genuinely nice people are not rare; however, a series of endlessly bad days, bad weeks and bad months are, right?

My mantra for this next week, I am going to be very picky with whom I give my energy to and reserve my time, intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity. I won’t avoid conflict to keep the peace.

Written with love.

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.