An Open Letter

For whatever reason, when we hear we are bad at something or have a horrible experience with something, most of us put off trying again for a prolonged period because we want to avoid the potential for more pain and disappointment. When we do try again, we attempt half-hearted, so we can point to that and say, “See, just as I predicted. It didn’t work out.”

Here are what pops in my head when I think about being true to yourself:  integrity, beliefs, personal values, honesty, sincerity, unwavering principles, authentic, living by what is and what is not acceptable to you, your morals, ethics and not being false, truth. No one can tell you how to be true to yourself accept you. 

When I look back on my life, I sometimes cringe about some of the things I said and did wishing I could change it. You can, that is the gift. The bad feelings are your internal ethical GPS letting you know the direction you went in was wrong. It is an opportunity because you can change how you see it, grow and be different and never do it again. It is okay to slip, falter and fall. In these life lessons, they make you the person you are; they build and hone the essence of you.

If you try to make something happen and nothing happens, rethink the follow through. Most of us have the same patterns and repeat them over and over. Is that what defines us?  

You can learn to grow from all of the small daily failures, or to be happier; you can say, “I do not need…to please everyone and everything to be easy.”  In other words, would you rather be miserable instead of risking being happy?

Here is what I know:

Don’t let rude people ruin you no matter how much negativity they throw at you. Don’t sacrifice who you are. There is no need to stay put and partake in the decay they choose for their lives.  

Reconnect with your true self. It sounds cliché, but you have to become a positive thinker and cultivate new habits. Find meaning in your daily life and start pursuing what you truly love. Decide what is more important – to contribute something positive to the world or to protect yourself from criticism.

Turn your wounds into wisdom and strength. Remember, in doing something differently; it may surprise you. All sorts of new possibilities could spring up. Happiness starts on the inside.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

RELATED TOPICS———————————————-

Joymmills I Wish Death Would Take A Vacation – My Story

Joymmills Sunday Soul-lutions 

Authenticity

Being true to yourself

Personal development

Self-Improvement

I honor the truth within

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

The Role of Free Will and Choice

If I were writing a letter and I am supposed to be loving me first, should not the letter be addressed as “It is me?” I would address the letter as, “Joy, wake up. How have you been?”

I have been on quite a journey these past two weeks. I hugged my knees, cried for hours until the tears dried, and then I started to cry again. I sat there on the floor in a daze at the stormy situation around me. The fear was palpable, and the pain was real. It was heart-wrenching pain. 

Life is never a straight line. Calamities and hardships are your greatest blessings. You know, the lessons in disguise. What the difficulties, the unexpected do is force us into a new and better version of ourselves. You are made to survive the hardest days of your life. I choose to live life on purpose. Here is to today and the week that awaits me and no matter what the week serves up, may I be grateful through it all. 

Some years back, I had a grand epiphany. What I have learned is you have to stop giving so much of yourself to people who cannot even identify who they are. If these people do not sacrifice for you, then they should gain nothing from you. Things of value require sacrifice. It is a work in progress.

If people are too hurt, too busy or just too damn stupid to see you are the blessing they have been asking for, then, fall back. I know my worth. I deserve happiness, I deserve respect, and I deserve love. I have everything I need.

Deep down I am still haunted by past experiences. I know there is still unfinished business. I hope there is a resolution one day. I am grateful for the life I have now. It is my life, and I would not change a thing. If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans for the day.

Everyone has a story, and no two stories are the same. Remember, there are over seven billion people in this world, and none of them are like you. Your entire life journey is a series of footprints that have brought you to this very moment in time. Life is a tapestry of people weaving in and out of your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Every one of them has something to offer and share with you.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #beyourself #wakeup #deserving #unexpected #dearself #tapestry #love #respect #tears #footprints

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

Spoiler alert, there are skeletons in my family closet. The kind that haunts you late at night where you cannot sleep. Emotionally I have had walls up for as long as I can remember. People have always told me, either you know me well, or you do not know me at all. I am sure that acquaintances that mimicked friendships from time to time had deep roots in trust and abandonment issues that I have harbored my entire life. I was raised with narcissists at the helm. 

As I have gotten older, I have come to understand I was raised by people who were the embodiment of emotional unavailability. We knew we could not go for any type of support, affection and certainly not empathy. Whatever we were dealing with, their lives were always much worse. No one was there to hold their hand, so you better get over it. We were mocked if we cried. I remember feeling bad for my sister because she was a crier and our stepfather would prey on her. For as long as I could remember, my stepfather was a saint and did no wrong. 

As a kid, I walked on eggshells and never knew what I was going to get when I walked through the door. I still cringe when someone raises his or her voice. It makes me physically sick. 

As I delved into my childhood and faced the skeletons of my narcissistic relatives, I realize the weight I carried for so long was the equivalent of an onion; hard, heavy, many thick layers of memories, emotional scars and stinging as I attempted to pull the mass apart. Still, it is becoming easier as I go. I have to take a minute, walk away from it, regroup and then go back to it. 

How do you teach empathy when you have never experienced it? When I was young, I never dreamed of getting married and having children. My birthday was forgotten. When I became a parent myself, I did not want to be a parent that yelled, cussed through things and belittled their children. I honestly was not sure if I could be that parent and I was terrified. All I knew is I did not want my home to be like that. I did not want to create an environment that my child could not speak to me or open the door for fear of what was happening on the inside. 

I wish I could say I did not suffer anymore losses. I was very young and was not a perfect example of a stellar parent but when it came to my children, I did know love. The truth is the person I married did not get better with age. I divorced that guy after seven years. However, I did find my prince and the love of my life. He has stood by my side for just about thirty years. 

As I pull back the layers of my pain for examination, eventually I must let go. They are not me. They do not define me. I am determined to stay the course, and I will break the cycle for myself. 

My life is now filled with love. My happiness, success, and self-worth do not fluctuate. I am me. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I will continue to grow and flourish as I move on from my past. If you want to know more, read my book “I Wish Death Would Take A Vacation – My Story.”

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #skeletons #narcissistic #childhood #staythecourse #selfworth #lovemyself 

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

Happy 2019. May this year be better than the last. 

Deciding to choose peace regardless of the circumstance is a decision that will create happiness. If you go looking for joy as the goal; you will never find it because you have no control over other people. You have control over your emotions and yourself. Do things you love. Examine your life as it is right now. Continually picking up pieces here and there that relate to your life, altering them and making them fit is not happiness. 

Beginnings are beautiful. Starting something new offers excitement and opportunity for change, but often saying hello to the new means saying goodbye to what you understood. If you have not, you miss honoring the very best parts of what came before. 

How many of us become a self-fulfilling prophecy by not rethinking the follow through? Many of us have the same patterns and repeat them over and over. Let us not allow 2019 be the year that we did not break yet another cycle. We have an opportunity every day. If you are going to look for trouble, you will find it. Contribute something positive to the world.

You can either acknowledge the joy and the sorrow or life will serve up something or someone else you have to survive.  

If you miss what you were uncomfortable with or what was, own it. Share it with a friend or anyone you trust. All of the emotions and the energy that surrounds your beginnings and endings are real. It is essential, and you cannot leave it out of your story. The important thing is to know who you are from the inside out, right now!

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #peace #selffulfillingprophecy #joy #goal #newyear #Yourstory #newopportunity #2019 #controlyouremotions #createhappiness #newbeginnings #contributesomethingpositive

Joy M. Mills (IP)

Copyright © 2019

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

Food for Thought

The last thing I want is to be on my death bed and realize there is zero evidence I ever existed. How to handle potentially volatile situations and toxic people who try to re-enter your life?

Identify the behavior. When you do, be as unbiased as you can. Think back. You will have concrete evidence of why any conversation will not end well.

There is an early warning system for hidden hostility. It is when someone who is toxic contacts you and continues to over the years on and off as if something has changed. Here is the fatal mistake and point of no return, if you answer. They are not in your life for a reason.

Where your focus goes, energy flows and results show. Narcissists love themselves, or perhaps more accurately, they love the idea of themselves. They are often so deluded in their favor that they generally lose touch with reality.

Toxic people disregard your boundaries and thrive on violating them. Take care of yourself. Toxic behavior is a habitual way of responding to the world and the people in it. These people are smart, but they have the emotional intelligence of a pen lid.

Every time you say yes to someone who does not deserve you, you are saying no to someone who does. Give your energy to people who deserve it. When you are drawing up the list of deserving ones, make sure your name is at the top.

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

Written with love.

#lookwhereyouslipped #earlywarning #hiddenhostility #goodenergy #toxicpeople #loveyourself #happyholidays #joymmillsIwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillssundaysoullutions #tagafriend #comment #like #share

Joy M. Mills

Copyright © 2018

MJM ®

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

 

To go forward, you have to know where you have been. We all need our own narrative. Maybe you feel misled. Sometimes your story is filled with broken pieces, terrible choices and ugly truths. I would like to be a fearless soul and stop limiting beliefs I project on myself.

 

The one thing that drives us and keeps us going is resilience. If nothing else, we have strength and endurance. What matters is you have the power to try. Ultimately, it is our thoughts that hurt us the most.

 

Here is what I know. Happiness cannot be traveled to or owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is a spiritual experience of living every moment with love, grace and gratitude. And then it happens. One day you wake up. You are in this place where everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is on fire. Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. Finally, you are at peace with where you have been, at peace with what you have been through and at peace with where you are heading.

 

This journey called life is an exciting quest. By denying yourself the plethora of emotions and feelings, we as mere mortals forget that happiness is a feeling too.

 

Life itself is a beautiful mystery. Stay excited and surprised. Enjoy every moment. You do not need to know what unfolds next. Perhaps this is what keeps us open to the great mystery of life.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.
#mysteryoflife #innerpeace #broken #present #life #joymmillsiwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #buythebook #joymmillsfacebooktagafriend #comment #like #share #joymmillssundaysoullutions

 

Joy M. Mills (IP)
Copyright © 2018
MJM ®

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

 

Just like that, the days have turned into weeks, months and the anniversary of year two is rolling around. Below is the Epilogue from my newest book, “I Wish Death Would Take a Vacation – My Story.”

 

 

Epilogue

 

You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for how you handle yourself moving forward. There are times we are forced to do it afraid.

 

You have to start taking care of yourself. You are loved. You are not defined as a failure because other people believe it to be true. For me, it is not “The End” of my story.

 

There are dreams beyond all of this pain. Let go of what should be. Dare to imagine creating a full and beautiful life for yourself. It takes baby steps. You have only but to look up at the stars and celebrate the small victories. Even when we cannot see them, they are there.

 

My home gives me a sense of security and comfort. Leaving requires me to move out of my comfort zone. My family represents a safe place to rest and recharge. Home is where you can be yourself. It is not a structure; it is not brick or mortar but a place inside your heart, deep in your soul. It is reflective.

 

God will it, so be it. Believe it, and you will gain patience. Grief is not a gallon of milk or a carton of eggs. It is learning to reset your heart. Resetting your heart is letting go of the picture of the way you wanted it to be.

 

I wish I could tell you grief would end with a service on the calendar. What no one tells you is that death is the calendar. Some might think that there is an acceptable shelf life, a handful of weeks and then it should be off the shelf out of our home and permanently removed with the weekly trash service, if it were only that simple.

 

Grief is a long journey. It does not mean you cannot live a happy life, but it is a choice and takes work. Grief never really goes away. You get through each death. You never really get over it. I am going to give myself a break. I was left reeling with my mom’s death. Up until now, I did not understand that when my mom took her last breath, I would be transported back in time to that four-year-old standing in the hallway saying, “Mommy don’t leave me.” It was like someone took a shovel and hit me in the face. I did not know how I was ever going to get back up again. Sometimes you are forced to revisit the past so you can finally lay it to rest. If that ever happens.

 

The key to grieving is not to try and stop it as quickly as possible. Grief cannot be shut off at will despite telling yourself otherwise. What matters is we acknowledge that we are in pain and try to find the goodness in our life despite it.

 

It is important to remember this:  you did not ask to be born into a family with narcissistic people at the helm, but you have a chance every day to begin again, to get in touch with the beauty and the brilliance that is inside you. It has always been there. You deserve to feel wanted, respected and safe. It is your life. You get to call the shots. Remember that. You are more resilient than you know.

 

If you would like to purchase a signed copy of my book, I invite you to click the book tab.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.
#hope #message #history #whatisnext #gutwrenching #youbecomestrong #brokenplaces #light #thisismystory #joymmillsiwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #joymmillsbuythebook

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2018

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.

 

 

 

An Open Letter

Hi, it’s me again.

 

With eyes full of clarity, you are capable of changing the relationships in your life by adjusting your point of view.

 

When you are not a priority, it stings. Unfortunately, timing is a harsh mistress. Do not assume people will respond to things as you will. You will set yourself up and hurt yourself the most. Stop living in a fantasy land of hope and assumptions. That reality will leave you feeling empty. If you are aware of the truth, people cannot manipulate situations.

 

People like this do not mind disappointing you. They do not put much effort into meeting your needs. The sun goes around the earth at the same rate of speed for everyone. We are all busy. You want the outcome of any good relationship to exceed expectations and have a positive impact. When it does not, it is sad.

 

Get out of the fantasy world by not hooking into the thoughts of what could be. The hard part, let it go. Throw expectations and assumptions out the door. Focus on those who genuinely love you. If you remind yourself of those who are there for you, they continue to be there because they care about you.

 

Focus on people who make you feel loved, connected and worthy.

 

Remember to keep the circle positive, peaceful and loving. ©

 

Written with love.
#selfishpeople #worthy #time #priority #dontbefoolish #love #iwishdeathwouldtakeavacationmystory #buythebook

 

Joy M. Mills
Copyright © 2018

 

*This article is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal or other professional advice. This article was written to support, not replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you feel you have a condition.